Jottings

Today marks the 19th anniversary of the death of my father, Shuib. Nineteen years. That is not a short period of time. Someone born in the year 1990 turns 19  today. He/she might probably be in college, already mature enough to make his/her own decisions.

December 20, 1990. I remember that fateful day vividly until today. We were in Rabat at that time. It was a few days before my father’s birthday. My mother was at work and my brother was in school. After walking my mum to the office, my father took me with him as he wanted to buy a brand new pair of shoes as his own birthday present. After the shopping, Abah felt a bit dizzy. He couldn’t walk straight but we still managed to get back to our apartment. He asked me for a pillow and I went to the upper floor of our duplex apartment to get a pillow. I thought he was sleeping and I took a nap next to him. When I woke up, I saw my mum in tears. I was still unclear about the situation. The next thing I know, we were on a flight to London, before returning back to Kuala Lumpur for the funeral. It took me days or even months to realize that I no longer have a Dad anymore. Do remember that I was only four.

It felt weird telling my classmates in elementary school that I do not have a father anymore. Afterall, when you are that young, you would expect to have the picture-perfect family. Even until now, it feels awkward when someone would ask “So, how’s your father?”. Then I would do the whole explanation and get the “I’m sorry” reply.

The incident felt like yesterday but here I am today, on the 19th anniversary. Time flies really fast. Every time this special day comes, it is not a day of sadness. It is not even a day of “celebration”. I will use this day to reflect of my achievements. I will often ask myself, “If my dad is around, will he be proud of me? Have I done enough to make my parents proud?” I do hope to lead my life with a good purpose and to continously improve and reach a different level every year. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why I am always passionate to chase my personal goals. It is something that I really want to accomplish and make my parents proud.

I will end this post with a Tweet (www.twitter.com/syafique) I posted earlier: Appreciate your parents. Make them proud. You are an extension of their dreams.